I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just gargled with NyQuil
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
