I accidentally had phone sex last night
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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