ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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