i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
