i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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