Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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