Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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