Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
