someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize