It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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