i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Small penises have feelings too.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
