He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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