Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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