I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
