Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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