I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
