Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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