I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
