I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
