i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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