Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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