Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
