Too much gin, very little bucket
two words...techno handjob
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
