you guys were way drunker than both of me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
someone owes me an orgasm
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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