I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dignity is for republicans.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
