and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
