any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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