He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
