i love accidental penises.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize