Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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