I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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