I haven't been this sober since birth.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
