Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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