I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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