Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
