I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
