what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
