That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
