she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize