i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i drank out of a bidet.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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