there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
As shirtless as possible
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
