I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
