you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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