there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize