You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
