I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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