Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
