I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
