Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
