I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
