We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
