WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
