Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
