tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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