Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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