i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You were trust falling into bushes
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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