were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think i have herpe
just one?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
