I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
