you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
