We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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