ugly people sure do ruin things
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
