I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
