i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
