the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
