As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize