There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
