Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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