For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
