You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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