Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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