I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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