I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
