Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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